What I’ve been up to……. (Re.re introduction)

Lost in the space between thoughts

What up y’all, it’s been awhile, I’ve been trying to make sense of who I am now as a new father, which has been partly a journey of self reflection and action. I think that experience left less time for me to write to my followers in this format. Still a lot for me to process.

I am becoming more of an Afro-Futurist by the day. Moment by moment I reflect on how my ancestors funneled a way for me to exist at this present moment. It makes my life’s work even more precious and meaningful.

This reflection allows me to acknowledge how the past, present and future are interdependent and work within a connected network that continues to teach me more of who I am by the day.

I’ve been working through bouts of depression while trying to juggle being unemployed, a new father and a husband. It’s truly one of the most challenging and difficult experiences of my life. But Iv’e been working on trying to be a better friend to myself and understand different ways I can afford to give myself some grace. That work has lead to me new and exciting places of study. Lately, I’ve reinvested time into learning more about the nature of relationships, concepts like “ how respect is pliable and flexible thing and it is not guaranteed in all instances” or how being asked a line of questions from my wife doesn’t have to be subliminal attack and how to find new ways to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Meaning, in order to allow for any substantive change, I’ve been discovering that I must allow myself new discomforts. It’s easier said than done of course, but I’ve firstly had to been able to identify parts of myself that I find challenging and ask myself “ is it my practice or one that was cultivated within me?” this has put me in the position to learn through my ancestors’ past lives.

I’ve been trying to understand how to interweave my growth as a father into new love for myself. It’s been a challenge but a worthy one. I am grateful to have awareness of these changes I’m undergoing, I think my awareness is largely due in part of the space I’ve had to take up in my family for the majority of my life. When I was a child, my grandfather and his wife explained to me the cosmic cards I was dealt. Yes, while my biological parents abandoned me, that didn’t burn as much as it could’ve because they chose me. Their shared love and investment in me, granted me the ability to discern that while they were my caretakers, they actively chose me, regardless of the circumstances. They not only reached beyond generations, but their own comforts and expanded their understanding of childrearing to raise me.

I think they implanted my ability to self reflect and cultivated an everlasting connection to my linage. Their raising of me was a form of Afro-Futurism that Black families practice on a daily basis. Through continuous acts of love for me and his partner - my [grand] mother, my grandfather had a direct influence into a better future for some part of himself, even if it were just his grandson.

My grandfather wasn’t good to my mother and I believe that adopting me was a way for him to not only pay for his sins, but to raise a child with the woman he loved when they both were just tired Black people. When I landed in 87’, both of my caretakers had already completed full tours of raising their own children, but for some reason they chose to do it all over again as they were approaching their mid 40s.

With analyzing the continuum of my family relationships, I’ve found new ways to trace the origin of some of my personal habits and gain a better foundation to effectively question my system of beliefs. These techniques of self reflection aren’t new to me, but they are being updated and refined for who I am now, more specifically, as a Black Father.

The culmination of all of these experiences have become an intersection of all of the Afro-Futurist components that I want to incorporate into my daily life. My thoughts and feelings have been both fast-tracked to an overwhelming anxiety or in many fortunate times, a slow burn of revelation and bitter joys. This journey has been very enlightening and I believe that through all of the research and work I’ve been able to do in pursuit of learning how to practice Afro-Futurism, I am experiencing a form of time travel that allows me to both validate and heal parts of my familial trauma. The work has given me profound perspective that allows me to respect that two opposing truths can exist at the same time. I have found new value in myself and family that I can proudly pass along to my daughter.

What to expect with my newsletter going forward…..

I expect to publish at least one article / blog post / review every other week. This will include my observations about how Afro-Futurism, fitness and mental health education is incorporated into my daily life and how I am able to spot its benefits throughout most of the changes around us. This will come in the form of analyzing pop culture items such as movies, music and comic books through an Afro-Futurist framework and then providing what I learned as a practical skill set and new perspective to think from. I will end each article highlighting certain tools / themes that can be incorporated into your daily life.